Things I Believe

I don't believe in much, but here are a few things I hold true:

• Febreze or linen spray is an acceptable substitute for doing laundry when you realize the perfect cardigan or pair of jeans has been sitting in the bottom of the hamper for a week.
• You want a man to fall in love with you?  Make him a cake.  From scratch.  No boxes.
• The further away from your mother, the closer you come to turning into her.
• Barnes and Noble on a Friday night > any bar or club
• Men who brag about how much they spend on relatively worthless items can stop right there.  I'm not interested, no matter who you are.
• Turkey is the superior lunch meat.
• Pizza and beer is the spice of life.  I will always be happy with it.
• However, the beer should be craft.  Don't settle for yellow water.
• Tights and leggings never last an entire season.  Don't spend more than $5 a pair.
• If you're having a baby, you shouldn't advertise it daily, weekly or monthly on Facebook.  Unfortunately, things can happen, and suddenly your grief is made public and cheap.  Same goes for weddings. 
• Also because countdowns are obnoxious.  If I need a reminder of how long it is until you give birth or get married, I'm obviously not very close to you.
• Candy.  That's it.  I just believe in candy.