Regretsy, as it pertains to the untalented

Etsy is both my friend and foe.  I love, love, love it for gifts, and for inspiration, and for lots of screenprinted posters I want and can't afford.  But it also makes me feel really bad about myself.  I'm not a talented person, except for the following practical aspects:

• I can type like 80 words per minute
• I'm very polite and always use correct grammar
• I know where my forks, spoons and knives live, in relation to my plate

So I'll be a great librarian and/or mom.

But when it comes to creating things, I need very detailed notes and instructions.  I need pictures.  I need videos.  And I need someone on retainer who can listen to me cry about gussets and why does Amy Butler expect me to understand what that illustration means?!  (Referencing: the Birdie sling.)  I am not someone who sees a piece of raw hemp and thinks, "I have the perfect graphic design at home to slap on that."  I can't create patterns.  I can barely sew a straight line.

But I want to open an Etsy shop.  I want to be creative and somehow translate that creativity into a career.  I remember when I first joined Etsy years ago, I saw a necklace (or bracelet? or ring?) that said "Not a waitress."  And the inspiration was the creator had been a waitress and an artist for as long as she could remember, until she took the plunge and just became...an artist.  That.  Is.  Awesome.  I want that.  I want to be passionate and create things I love and then share those things with people.  Spreading love safely.  (Relatedly, is anyone out there an Oliver + S boutique sewer?  I feel like I could do that but the license fee may be a bit much unless I'm absolutely sure it'll turn out well.  I was just looking for feedback.)

Anyway, this is all because I'm working on my aunt's birthday present (her birthday is June 5) and am looking for patterns and fabric and such.  If she's reading this, she should stop now.  I found the pattern but haven't bought it yet--has anyone used PDF patterns?  Yay or nay?--but I did buy the fabric.  I saw it advertised on True Up at lunch today, actually, and decided I'd jump on it before it goes away:



The shop is PlainJaneTextiles, which can be found here: http://www.etsy.com/listing/66759393/hand-printed-red-knitting-fabric?ref=cat3_gallery_3

I bought the blue version, because the red is much more my mom than her sister, my aunt, and also my aunt loves, loves, loves to knit.  She knits and talks.  She knits and drives (truth).  She knits and does everything.  It's a very therapeutic action to her.  I've never picked it up but my mom once made our neighbor a gorgeous aubergine shawl which almost made me want to try.  Almost.

So now I'm on Etsy, thinking about everything I want, and then checking my bank account and realizing I can't have everything I want.  Which sucks.  This wouldn't be a problem if I was a successful artist, jerks.  Or maybe it would be.  You know, it's Thursday, and I'm kinda bummed it isn't Friday, so I'm just going to end my thoughts there.

However!  There are new episodes of NBC comedies tonight, if anyone else loves 30 Rock, the Office, Community and Parks and Rec as much as I do.  I won't watch 30 Rock until tomorrow because I am old, but you should all enjoy it while you're young.



Bossypants

I finished Bossypants last night, after floating through it all weekend.

I will say that I am in no way a book critic.  I studied English in college and am a lifelong reader, but honestly, I'm the only person who considers my opinions important.  Even Nick zones them out.

I have two beefs with this book, and I'm probably the only one with them: one, there's no real plot, it's just like having thirty conversations with Tina Fey (which is great, don't get me wrong, but sometimes books need a plot); and two, there are a few recycled jokes from 30 Rock.  As I told Nick last night, I'm probably the only one who noticed, and there are like 2 million jokes in the book so that's a pretty good ratio of recycled to new, but I still noticed.

Besides that, I felt like I could've been this girl growing up.  Well, I sort of was.  Overachiever, awkward, not liked by boys, and though I wasn't a virgin until my mid-twenties, I have certainly gone through periods where men barely spoke to me.  Also, I love gay men.  I know what you're thinking.  "Everyone thinks they can be friends with Tina Fey!"  And you're right.  Unless you're Elle Woods (that's the second time today I've referenced Legally Blonde) (or Legally Yellow, if you've read Bossypants), I kinda feel like you could sit and talk to her about your headgear and the time you threw up on the bus in high school (check and check).  But isn't that what's so great about Tina Fey?  She has created a likeable, relateable character in Liz Lemon, and has made women everywhere feel as if they no longer need to be Jennifer Aniston or Megan Fox in order to get through life.  Thank god, because I mostly find those two women annoying and degrading.  (Degrading in that we're all supposed to feel bad for Jennifer Aniston because she's single, and we're supposed to look like Megan Fox regardless of ethnicity, heritage, or taste.)

I laughed a lot in this book.  A lot.  It was hard not reading it out loud every time I read something hilarious, because Nick is reading it too and I didn't want to spoil it for him.  But seriously, don't read this in public unless you're already talking to yourself.  Then you may proceed.  I could see a lot of inspiration from her background leaking into the things she's done, except for her father-figure, Don Fey (as she calls him throughout the book).  Her dad on 30 Rock is lovable and kind of "oh-gee-whiz-gosh-darn" if that's a thing.  It is.  But Don Fey is suave and intimidating and impressive.  Maybe that would be too unbelievable for Liz Lemon's dad, and also, it would be too similar to Jack Donaghey.  I get it. 

I'm going to wrap this up because there's nothing I hate more than dissecting something that is just there to exist.  While I feel like this book was written at the right time and it's making people laugh--what could be better?--it isn't exactly As I Lay Dying.  Nor should it be!  I never read Faulkner because he bores me.  I've watched the first season of 30 Rock on the treadmill because it's the only thing that distracts me enough to keep going.  Back in my exercise days, anyway.  So I say, if you enjoy a good laugh, and don't mind a little bit of post-modern feminism thrown into the mix (in the form of worrying about having another child, which is moot at this point), as well as some scary looking haircuts, read Bossypants.  And then let your friends borrow it.  And then watch 30 Rock.  We need to keep this woman in business, people.


My English professors would be so ashamed of what I just wrote.  Oh well.  Maybe they shouldn't have picked such lame books in the first place.  Seriously, who puts his own book in the syllabus for American Masters II?  Yes, I had a professor who did that, and no, I did not buy his book.  I didn't have money to waste on yet another book I wouldn't have time to read, and because his class didn't have tests, I didn't actually buy any of the books required.  Take that!  When you go to school fulltime and work fulltime, you learn the meaning of priorities.  They include: food, money, required books, papers, tests, sleep.  In that order.

Go enjoy Monday!

A Shutdown

I have a rare free moment so I'm just going to voice a few opinions real quick.  First, some background: I live in Silver Spring and commute to Rosslyn, so I'm in and out of DC at least twice a day.  I have family and friends working for the government, and my company is a consulting firm that helps the government.  I will be affected by this possible shutdown in some way.

I'm not going to pick sides because, the fact is, every single member of Congress is to blame.  Tea Party, Green Party, bipartisan, I don't care.  You've all failed us.  I wish I could change it.  But it's April 2011, we haven't had a budget since September 30 of last year, and no one is allowed to get away with this outside the government.  Businesses and corporations have to have a budget in order to pay their workers.  You all just keep on going, fighting and bickering like children, and no one gets anywhere.  Stop being stubborn.  Stop naming names and making excuses.  You're not 6 anymore.  Let's get this done with the least amount of damage possible.  Some people have rent to pay and can't afford for you to keep pointing fingers.  Just get. it. done.

Okay, now that that's out of my system, I will say that I received Bossypants yesterday and read the prologue and the first chapter last night.  While I wouldn't call this "literature" (Tina, I love you, but it isn't), it's certainly hilarious.  So hilarious, in fact, that I wouldn't dare read it on the Metro because I would sound like a crazy person laughing to myself.  If you love funny women--and who doesn't?--do yourself a favor and pick this up.  Tina Fey is my role model, and Liz Lemon makes me believe that there are more people out there like me than I think.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when magazines and TV shows try to get you to relate to celebrities by saying, "Oh, they have their fat days too!  Look!  She ate an entire hot dog!"  Wow, I feel instantly closer, soul sister.  But when Liz Lemon makes her mistakes every week, I realize I've made those mistakes too.  Who hasn't told some guy he was wrong instead of flirting with him?  Good lord, I still do that.  So if you can relate, read it, it's excellent.

Also, a final note.  Nick got a job!  Yay!  We're both really happy and excited and I'm so relieved.  Oh thank god.

I sing that song when I'm feeling great.  Perhaps I should've sang it yesterday.

Luck of the Irish?

I even wore green today and apparently my luck has disappeared. 

My Metro stop is the deepest one in the system.  The station entrance is at-ground, but you have to take an elevator down 20 floors (it doesn't seem like it, but it is) to the actual station.  There's no running down the escalator or stairs.  You depend on the elevators, which are always broken down or slow, slow, slow.

So when I stepped off the elevator this morning (before 7 AM, thank you), I realized my red-line-to-Shady-Grove was stopped with the doors open.  So I ran.  I run once a year and this was it.

And the doors closed when I was within three feet.  The riders probably saw the look of absolute defeat that immediately graced my pretty little face.

That was a great start to the morning.  Here's a +/- breakdown of today:
+ It's St. Patrick's Day!  Which means that, as a redhead, I'm not an outcast for one day of the year.
+ My mom booked our hotel room for our trip to Atlanta in October.  We're going to the Country Living Fall Fair which looks like it's going to be completely awesome and wonderful.  I've already started checking out flights.  I can't wait!  (Can you tell I miss my mom?)
- 30 Rock is on tonight.  Normally this would be a plus but because NBC has moved it to 10:00 and I wake up earlier than staying up until 10:30 allows, I'm forced to watch it onDemand on the weekend.
+ I signed up for a sewing class being taught by Betz White!  It's in three weeks at Bits of Thread Studio here in DC.  I'm very, very excited and plan on making lots of pillowcase dresses for my cousin's daughter Gracie!

- It's not even 10:30 and it's been a ridiculously busy day already.  Case in point: I started typing this entry at 8:00.

I think that sums things up for right now.  How are you all spending your weekend?  Anything fun?